Love's first bite
by ThatOneOverTheTopPhanGirl
Summary: Dan has a secret but Phil is trying his best to figure it out. Will Dan and Phil break apart or will they realise exactly what fate has decided for them? Okay, I know... Crappy summary . But seriously... It's a good one :) Disclaimer: I do not own Danisnotonfire or Amazingphil (I wish :L) or anything else mentioned in this story :) Phan, rated M just to be sure :)
1. I won't stay like this forever

Phil lay on his and Dan's sofa, staring up at the ceiling. He enjoyed letting his thoughts wonder freely around his brain while he did nothing, it helped him relax when he was stressed or upset.

'I wonder when we are doing the next Amazingdan and Philisnotonfire. I really want to see the newest Doctor Who episode, I wonder what the Doctor's name is, I wonder what Dan is doing right now.' Phil never knew what Dan was doing these days. All he knew was that wherever he was going, he would always come back to the flat running through the door, all flustered and out of breath. He would then proceed to stare at the floor for a while, look like he was about to say something, then blink back his emotions and play Sonic with him until two in the morning.  
Phil sighed and sat up. He walked over to the TV. and turned it on, picking up a controller for the play station while he was doing so. He sat back on the sofa and started to play Sonic until he was so sure that his 'terrible gaming skills' were history that he was willing to put money on it against Dan, in a bet where he would win.  
Phil was just sneaking a pack of Maltesers from Dan's secret stash (Phil never told Dan that he knew where it was) when Dan came bursting through the front door, as usual, flustered and out of breath. He stared at the floor for a minute while Phil stood there, watching him awkwardly, when he blinked and all of the tears and emotion that was in his eyes a second ago, vanished.  
"Oh, hey Phil!" he said as cheerily as possible. Phil smiled at him while discreetly trying to hide the Maltesers in his hand but Dan noticed and eyed the packet in a knowing sort of look.  
"Phil..." Phil decided to act stupid.  
"Yes Dan?"  
"Why do you have a pack of my Maltesers in your hand?"  
"What?" Phil glanced at his hand quickly. "Hey! Where did these Maltesers come from?" He wasn't fooling anyone.  
"Honestly Phil!" Dan exclaimed before flopping down on the sofa. "You need to learn that if you steal my Maltesers... Shit's going down!" Phil laughed before sitting down on the sofa next to Dan.  
"What if I gave you half the packet?" he asked. Dan grinned.  
"Now that would be a different story all together!" he said before grabbing a spare controller and starting a new game.

By the time Phil and Dan were slapping themselves to stay awake, Phil owed Dan £24. Phil groaned and got up from his spot on the sofa.  
"I'm off the bed now... Night Dan!" he said cheerily.  
"Wooow! You still owe me £24 mister!" he heard Dan say. Phil sighed and grabbed his wallet, digging out the right amount and throwing it on the seat beside Dan before heading off towards his bedroom. He changed into his pyjamas and climbed into his bed which looked extremely inviting at the present moment. Phil was almost asleep when he heard it. A noise, coming from the lounge. He listened harder... Yes! There it was again! Small, quiet sobs were emanating from where he had been moments before and it didn't take an idiot to figure out who was making them.  
Slowly, Phil got up from his bed and tiptoed to his door, silently opening it. He had a good viewing point from where he was standing and what he saw shocked him. Dan was sitting on the sofa, the money hadn't been touched, but he had his phone to his ear and a knife in the other hand, tears streaming down his face. He was listening hard to the person on the other end of the phone and every second the knife was getting closer and closer to his completely clear wrist. Phil tried to run and stop him but his feet wouldn't move. He tried calling out but his voice had somehow gone. All he could do was stand there and watch as the blade of the knife was about to slice through his best friend's skin. So naturally, he jumped when he heard Dan speak.  
"Why me though? And why him? It would ruin our friendship if he found out about me! I'm not sure how he feels about... My type... What happens if he throws me out? What do I do then?" Phil listened closely, but as hard as he tried, he couldn't figure out what the person on the other end of the phone was saying. One thing was for certain though... Dan was talking about him.  
Suddenly Dan put the knife down, and Phil breathed a sigh of relief.  
"Thanks, I won't be able to stay like this forever... But I'll try." he hung up the phone and picked up the money from the sofa. He stood up, stretched, and started heading Phil's way. Phil quickly ran and leapt onto his bed, dragging the duvet up to his chin and facing away from the door.  
His door opened and a stretch of light slid across the room and onto the wall opposite. The silhouette of Dan stood in the doorway, just standing. Phil heard him take a breath before...  
"Phil?" Phil didn't answer. He didn't know why, but he was in no mood to talk to Dan after he saw him nearly cut himself.  
His bedroom door closed slowly and he heard Dan shuffle off towards his own bedroom, further down the hall. But one thing was for certain... Phil was going to find out what Dan was hiding from him whether it took him the rest of his life.

**So I know it's not perfect and I used the words Dan and Phil WAY more times than I should have but I like it :) and good news... Because this started out as a daydream of mine... I have the next few chapters already planned out, so this story will be updated soon :) Anyway as this is my first Phan story please don't hate. Oh and if you have no clue who the people in this story are, they are the most photogenic and perfect people ever! Dan (Danisnotonfire, YouTube) is an Internet Cult Leader and Phil (Amazingphil, YouTube) is always in his Phil life doing his Phil things XD (You will only get that if you watch Dan's live shows :D) anyways thanks for reading and please review! :3**

**ThatOneOverTheTopPhanGirl 3**


	2. Phil, I- I love you

**Dan's POV**

I woke up the next day drenched in sweat. I slowly peeled off my duvet and sat on the side of my bed before picking up my phone to check the time.  
"SHIT!" I exclaimed, after reading 2:00pm. '_Why didn't Phil wake me up?' _I think to myself before bolting out my bedroom door and into the lounge.  
"Phil! Why the fuck didn't you wake me u-" I stopped and looked around the empty flat before turning on my heel and tip-toeing towards his bedroom door.  
The door creaked open and I saw the lump that was Phil, quietly snoring and occasionally moving slightly as he slept. I crept over to him and stared down at his peaceful face. I reached down and touched Phil's cheek, stroking his lips with my thumb and wishing upon anything that was in the room that he will still be here tomorrow. Suddenly Phil groaned and started to wake. My stomach did a back flip and my heart shot up into my throat as I turned and ran out of his room like my life depended on it. I shot into the bathroom and turned on the shower before jumping in. I heard Phil shuffle out of his room and started to sing loudly to the first song that popped into my head to make it seem as if I had been in the shower for a while.  
"I can show you the wooorrrllllddd,  
Shining, shimmering, spleeennnddiiidddd,  
I don't know the words to the next bit, oh well, here's the chorus instead,  
A malteseeeerrrrr,  
Delia Smith has joined the crew,  
With tons of placenta,  
and llamas too,  
Who the fuck has moved the shampoo?"  
Just as I was about to sing the next verse to my incredible made-up song, someone knocked on the door, three guesses who.  
"Hey Dan…" I stopped abruptly.  
"Yeah?"  
"Mr Carlson from the flat down the hall has asked me to give you a message…"  
"Could you make it quick, no one should interrupt me during my singing sessions!"  
"Funny you should mention that actually… He said that him and most of the other neighbours have agreed that your singing sessions need to stop otherwise they're getting the landlord to kick us out." I sighed dramatically.  
"Fiiiinnneee. I'll be quiet."  
"Thanks Dan." Said Phil before returning to the lounge. I finished my shower in silence and then got ready to go out.

"Are you really going out again?" Asked Phil as I grabbed my wallet and coat from the hallway.  
"Yeah, I'll be back soon though." I replied before shooting out the door. I felt bad for leaving Phil again but I had to go. The knife in the kitchen was looking a hell of a lot more friendlily than it did a few months ago.  
I exited the flat and got the lift downstairs. I left the building and started walking towards Starbucks, which happened to be right around the corner from where Phil and I lived so it was fun to go round there often.  
I walked in and smiled at Lily, the co-worker there. She grinned at me and quickly got my usual caramel latte and chocolate chip muffin. We know each other well enough that she always knows the order I want, just from my facial expression. I paid her and walked out the shop, heading towards a small house with a colourful front door on the corner of the street. I knocked the door twice before heading in.  
"Alright, alright! You could have waited until I opened the door for you!" A tall lady with short black hair and bright blue eyes came into view, sort of like Phil's. I never told her this, but that's why I picked her to help me. She looked up from where she was avoiding a numerous amount of odd bits and bobs on the floor and her eyes grew into a steady 'knowing' look. "Sorry Dan, I didn't realise it was you. Please come in." She said calmly and followed me into the lounge where I took my usual seat on the sofa and she took her usual seat, opposite me in her big, purple spinney chair.  
She picked up her clipboard and a pen and looked me right in the eyes.  
"Go." And I began.  
"I just don't know what's happening to me! One minute I'm fine and the next I can barely look at him without feeling all weird and queasy inside! And yesterday I'm almost sure he saw me when I was talking to you on the phone! Just please help me Chris, before it's too late!" Chris, the name of the lady, looked at me with her bright blue eyes and sighed.  
"Look Dan. You've come here pretty much every day since we first met a few months ago. And every day I have told you to do the exact same thing and yet you never do it. My answer hasn't changed today. You're gay. You love him. And you need to go home and tell him right now before it's too late." I stared at her and smiled. I knew I was never going to tell him. I try to every day but my brain decides it would be best not to although my heart's screaming otherwise. But at that moment, I really felt as if I could do it. But then again, I feel like that every day.  
"Thanks Chris." I whisper to her before standing up and shoving the rest of the muffin into my mouth.  
"Dan, this time, I want you to call me when you've done it. I know you can do it. Forget your head and listen to your heart." I nodded slightly and turned towards the door. I knew what I was going to do before it happened. I was going to start running, I don't know why but when I run I feel like I can say everything that's on my mind.  
My feet picked up and my arms started swinging and pretty soon I was flying past buildings, and bus stops, and people, and life. I smiled as the wind whipped my face and my hair flew back making the whoosh sound that I liked so much.  
I reached my building but couldn't wait for the lift, so I sprinted up the stairs instead. As I do this every day, it wasn't that much of a struggle. I reached our door and burst through. Panting and thinking. _'Should I do this? Of course I should do this! I promised Chris! But what if he laughs at me? What if he kicks me out? This is not what I was planning to happen when I moved in with Phil!' _I ended up deciding to tell him. But I would do it properly. No wiggling out of it at the last minute. I would get straight to the point. And then, possibly, not hang around to find out the answer. I was snapped back to reality by Phil's voice.  
"Urm, Dan? Are you okay? You look like you're having an internal war with yourself…" I looked up at Phil.  
"Huh? What? Oh yeah… Phil… I've got to tell you something… You have to believe me, and not get mad when I tell you."  
"Okay, what is it?" Phil asked nervously. I could see that he was concerned. My face must be filled with tears and bright red from all the running. I walked over to him and pushed him onto the sofa, taking the seat next to him. He looked slightly scared by my sudden change in attitude but obliged anyway.  
"Phil, I- I'm gay." I looked awkwardly into his eyes and was shocked by the response. He grinned at me.  
"Honestly Dan! Was that so hard to tell me? I would never have judged you for that! I mean, I'm not gay myself but I will fully support you no matter what your decision is." He smiled at me and got up from his seat on the sofa. I faked a smile and followed him into the kitchen. That was only half of what I wanted to say but the confidence I felt a minute ago, had gone. I don't know what I was expecting from it all. That he would start crying and confess that he was gay too and that he had always loved me but never really thought he had a chance? Well, I guess my fairy-tale will never come true.  
"Dan? You still look sort of off. Is there anything else you want to tell me?" Phil looked concerned yet again. I decided to play it subtly.  
"Have you ever liked someone but you know that they would never like you back?" That was the most un-subtle thing I could have ever said. Phil and I have watched so many rom-coms in our time, rom-coms are our guilty pleasures, and we have both laughed at how un-subtle that line was. But yet that was the only thing I could think of saying.  
He looked at me in a knowing way, as if he knew exactly what I was trying to not so subtly hint at. But I guess he decided to play along.  
"Dan, you like someone! Who is it? It's got to be a guy! This is going to turn into 21 questions now!" He practically squealed and dragged me over to the sofa. "Okay, is it someone I know?" I sighed but decided to answer anyway.  
"Yes."  
"Are they a YouTuber?"  
"Yes."  
"Have you ever made a colab video with them?"  
"Yes." I could see Phil's face become more serious and braced myself for the deeper questions.  
"Do they live in London?"  
"Yes."  
"Are the part of the fantastic foursome?"  
"Yes."  
"Does their name have a P in it?"  
"Yes."  
"Do they hate cheese?"  
"Yes."  
"Dan…"  
"Mmm?"  
"Is it me?" I broke down then. I buried my face into one of the sofa cushions before nodding my head slightly. "Dan… Say it." I didn't know why Phil wanted me to. He had already embarrassed me enough. Then again, I didn't know why I replied.  
I sat up and looked into his blue eyes that were swimming with tears.  
"Phil, I- I love you."

**AARGH! Cliff hanger alert! I'm sorry for leaving it like that but I didn't want to give everything away! The next part will be in Phil's POV **** This is my most favourite chapter of all time! The song… I apologise for my bad lyrics… First things that I thought of… And yes, I know, in the beginning Dan is a bit paedophilic towards Phil… Sorry about that XD And I know, I know, this chapter is way too long to be one chapter! Oh well :P Please review, like and follow my story and I will love you forever! :D  
ThatOneOverTheTopPhanGirl x **


	3. I was in love with Dan Howell

**Phil's POV**

Dan whispered the words that I had longed to hear. The words that I wished I could tell him. The words that I no longer felt were true for me. My mind was racing, I couldn't figure out whether or not I should tell Dan that I loved him too or tell him that I didn't.  
I had loved him once. When we first met. When we didn't have to act completely straight for the crazed phangirls out there. When I could just be myself. But everything's changed now. With all the Phan shippers out there we had drifted apart and I realised that my love for Dan had drifted apart as well, besides, I was more than happy being friends.  
I made Dan say the words just to see whether or not any feelings came rushing back. Any feelings that I had buried away inside me for so long. None came. I sighed and stared into Dan's bright red eyes, mine welling up as well.  
"Dan?" He didn't respond. I wasn't surprised. He looked as if he had just found out he had 5 minutes to live, or his entire family were killed. But no. He was crying because of me. Because of my stupid feelings my best friend was sat in front of me, crying his eyes out. I felt a stab of guilt and wished that I could feel the same, but obviously my stupid heart didn't.  
"Dan?" I repeated. He looked at me desperately, hoping to get a hint of hope to stop him from becoming the train wreck that he already was. No such hope came forwards. "I-I'm sorry…" I whispered quietly, staring at him with complete sincerity and sadness. More tears streamed down his face as he got up and started moving towards his room. I made my decision and stood up, grabbing his wrist and spinning him around.  
"Listen, Dan. I don't feel that way. I mean, I did, but not anymore. But that doesn't mean…" I paused, trying to think of what to say next. "You're still literally the perfect person but…" I paused again, honestly not knowing where this was going. "Oh for fuck sake!" I growled before leaning forwards and kissing Dan heavily on the lips. I felt Dan pull away immediately, I wasn't surprised at all. But what came out of his mouth next, I wasn't prepared for.  
"You just swore?!" I looked at him dumbstruck. I just kissed him and he was inquiring about why I swore? I shrugged.  
"I just kissed you." I replied before making our lips meet again. This time he didn't pull away, he just stood there, allowing the kiss as long as it liked.  
When we finally broke away his eyes were no longer red, and he was beaming like he was the sun. I felt a rush of happiness inside me as I realised that I had stopped his tears, I had stopped him being sad and at that moment I realised why I wanted him to be happy. Why I was so pleased to see him trying to contain his happiness as he quickly ran off to his room. Why I felt a rush of pride when I heard his squeal and laugh as soon as his bedroom door closed. The love was still there. It had never left. It had just taken a new form, the new form being protection. I had to protect him and stop him from ever being sad. No matter what I had to do, he had to be happy.  
Long story short.  
I was in love with Dan Howell.

**Back again! Shortest chapter in the world, I know but I liked this one too:3 I mean, if I re-read it then I will completely hate it but right now I like it so shut up brain!^.^  
I have loads more planned out for the happy couple, there will be no suicide, or self-harm (only briefly mentioned because Dan was upset, he never actually did cut though), depression, eating disorders, or anything else you can think of… Just plain cuteness^.^ It's not going to be all plain sailing otherwise I would just end my story there but it won't be so bad that you end up in a crying fit, slowly rocking in the corner…  
I actually already have the ending written out, and it's completely perfect!:D It's inspired from Mrs Brown's boys Christmas special (T.V. show, only a small part of it came from the program but I saw it and was like 'THAT'S THE PERFECT ENDING!) So I had to write it down before I forgot it :')  
Anyway it's school tomorrow so I might not be updating as regularly as I should but either way… Enjoy! **** 3  
ThatOnePhanGirl**


	4. Things are only going to go up from here

**Dan's POV**

What just happened?!  
No, wait… I know what happened… Why did it happen?!  
I don't care, it was perfect either way.  
Because Phil just kissed me!  
I can't stop smiling. Literally, I just tried… It's not happening!  
I laugh happily and flop down onto the bed. I push all the bad thoughts away and let the happy ones engulf me, they're full of Delia Smith pancakes and llamas and Maltesers and Phil. My imagination stops at Phil, taking in his pale skin contrasting his ebony hair. His bright blue eyes light up as he laughs and his tongue pokes out quickly before his hand covers it up. I feel my body shake but I try my hardest to stay in my imagination. I swat and moan and twist and turn and try everything to stay inside my head but whatever/whoever's with me isn't having it.  
My eyes pop open but I must be still dreaming. I'm greeted with literally the exact same face as I just left. Straight down to the hand over the face. Then I realise that I'm in my bedroom and Phil is sitting there laughing. I take a moment to admire his laugh before I blink back to reality and narrow my eyes. Phil looks at me and stops laughing abruptly.  
"Are you okay Dan?"  
"I'm fine. If you call just being woken up fine!" I suddenly grin and jump on him. Tickling Phil's neck while he starts laughing again and ferociously trying to wriggle out of my grip to no such success.  
I eventually take pity on him and we both collapse onto my bed laughing and out of breath.  
"Hey Dan?" Phil says, still breathing heavily.  
"Yeah?"  
"What are we to each other now? I mean… What are we going to do about u-" I decided to cut him off by lightly kissing him. When I pull back Phil's cheeks are flushed red.  
"What do you think idiot?" I say smiling at him. This is going to be the start of something incredible I whisper in my head.

* * *

"You sure you want to do this?" Phil looks at me with concern. I look back and give a reassuring smile.  
"I've never been more sure about anything in my life." I turn then to the camera, sitting on its usual tripod, ready to be turned on. I reach over a press the 'start recording' button.  
"Hello internet!"  
"Hi guys!"  
"But wait Phil!"  
"What is it Dan?"  
"Don't we have some super big news to tell the audience?"  
"Oh yeah! I forgot about that." Phil laughs slightly.  
"Idiot." I say grinning. "Anyway, WE'RE GETTING A LLAMA!"  
"Urm… Dan…?"  
"Yes?!" I say, pretending to hyperventilate due to excitement.  
"We live in an apartment that isn't even on the first floor. Where are we going to put a llama?"  
"Don't ruin my dreams!"  
"Too late!" Says Phil, grinning. "That's not the news anyway."  
"Oh yeah… My turn to forget now!" I say smiling and squeezing Phil's hand that isn't showing on camera.  
"Anyway," Says Phil looking at the camera after smiling at me. "This news is something that not a lot of you will be expecting. Especially due to… The way we've been acting recently…"  
"Mainly the way I've been acting…" I add quickly.  
"It's both of us…" Phil corrects, giving me the look that says 'don't bother arguing… I'm only going to contradict you.' So I let it go. "But… It's hard to explain really…" Phil looks at me desperately for assistance. We stare at each other for a while before I make up my mind.  
"I've got the perfect way to explain." I murmur before leaning forward and lightly kissing his lips. The kiss lasts a while before we break away and smile at each other. I then look at the camera.  
"So there you have it. The big news I mean. So go crazy with the shipping, we'll enjoy it now! I'm also re-opening my ask box as long as you guys don't harass me and Phil with questions like 'do we have butt sex every night?' And stuff like that because the answer is no. There." I say looking at Phil. "That's most of the Phan questions answered in a single word!" Phil laughs before looking at the camera.  
"Well, that's all everyone… Bye!"  
"Yeah, bye!"  
Phil leans forward and stops the recording. Our grip on each other's hands doesn't change as we upload the video onto the laptop and watch it over. I do the typing, Phil does the clicking. And it works out perfectly because I'm left handed anyway.  
When we're done I look at Phil.  
"Ready?" He glances at me, smiling.  
"Ready." He replies.  
We both click the 'Upload to YouTube' button and watch the bar slowly move towards the finish as we choose a name, a description and a thumbnail for the video.  
It finishes and we leave the laptop open. We walk away and ignore the laptop for the rest of the night. We've both made a mutual agreement to leave it 'til the morning but I can't help but glance at the screen every now and then. I click on the video and look at some of the comments.  
_Aaaaawwww! That's the cutest thing ever!3  
I knew Phan was real!  
*Slaps boyfriend* "Why are you never as cute as that?!"  
Dan… I don't think you realise that we will always be there for you… No matter how much you think we won't, we will. And I only have one thing to say to this video…  
ASDFGHJKL! THIS VIDEO! I JUST CAN'T! I KNEW PHAN WAS REAL! I LOVE YOU GUYS!  
_I smile while reading the comments. I knew the fans would take it well, I just didn't realise it. But one thing I do realise now…  
Things are only going to go up from here.

**Wow, short chapter… I know. But I like it like that:)**** And things will be going up… For now… Muhahaha!XD  
ThatOneOverTheTopPhanGirl x**


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